I'm packing now to leave tomorrow morning for Eugene. I just walked to the corner to mail my RSVP for Chris's wedding. As I was waiting at the light to cross back, a young guy walked up to the corner with a suitcase and a piece of cardboard, wearing an old suit. He looked like he was about 19. He asked me
Hey, do you know what paralysis is?
Yeah.
What is it?
It's when you lose control of a part of your body.
Oh! [pause] I think I have that.
Well, you should get it checked out. There's a hospital right up there.
I don't have any money.
There's a free clinic.
Eh. I kind of want to die.
Well, okay.
He was an attractive kid with nice skin. I wonder where he was going. Last night I had dinner with Albert at Cafe Intermezzo in Berkeley. It was a beautiful evening--it's amazing how much warmer it feels over there than in the City. I got back to the City and got drinks with Andy and his girlfriend Becca at Valley Tavern in Noe. We ended up being there for past three hours, a few of the only people in bar after 1 a.m. on Sunday night, sharing beer and Andy and Becca playing songs on the digital jukebox, Beck, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, the Jackson 5.
Andy is restrained when he speaks, but I'd describe him with something he once said about one of our students, Forrest: he lets things in. Andy has this quote taped to his bathroom mirror: "Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart." -Rilke
Hey, do you know what paralysis is?
Yeah.
What is it?
It's when you lose control of a part of your body.
Oh! [pause] I think I have that.
Well, you should get it checked out. There's a hospital right up there.
I don't have any money.
There's a free clinic.
Eh. I kind of want to die.
Well, okay.
He was an attractive kid with nice skin. I wonder where he was going. Last night I had dinner with Albert at Cafe Intermezzo in Berkeley. It was a beautiful evening--it's amazing how much warmer it feels over there than in the City. I got back to the City and got drinks with Andy and his girlfriend Becca at Valley Tavern in Noe. We ended up being there for past three hours, a few of the only people in bar after 1 a.m. on Sunday night, sharing beer and Andy and Becca playing songs on the digital jukebox, Beck, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, the Jackson 5.
Andy is restrained when he speaks, but I'd describe him with something he once said about one of our students, Forrest: he lets things in. Andy has this quote taped to his bathroom mirror: "Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart." -Rilke
posted by DB at 8:46 PM
2 Comments:
(sorry, dave)
dan, where did you go??
m2
Yesterday I took the train all the way to Wonderland, to say goodbye to everything. By this time next week I will be in a new city, a new mind. Outside the train, the speed made everything into a salad of summer scenes: backyards, junkyards, trees, fire escapes, then finally the blue of the sea, the blue that is the color of time. Confidant, I said to myself, do we place our trust here, deep in the heart of trouble? Confidant, I said to myself, I will tell you everything but now, habitually, I am leaving. As a kid I remember not wanting to leave the playground because it would be raining soon. The metal rings on their heavy chains, the empty swings still swaying with someone's weight. I knew better than to leave; I'd been paying attention. The world was mine. I could take it up or leave it as I wanted, biding my sadness over some small thing--the warmth inside my ears and mouth, the chill of coming and going. Even then I knew that doubt was what made people small. I made my decision to stay, as I've made my decision now to go. I sat on the train to Wonderland as I sat on that childhood playground, a Bartleby of rain.
Dan
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