Xzibition
Tonight was SSJE's end of the year Exhibition Night: a potluck with families, students, and faculty, followed by students presenting work from each of their classes.
It was beautiful. I was SO PROUD of my students! Fevn kicked major ass. It was such an overwhelmingly positive night. It felt like being with family and friends...
..which makes me feel so sad that I'm not coming back next year. I've rarely used the difficulty of this year to justify leaving. When I have, I've always been aware that it's just been a bad day, week, etc. I've always known that it would be mostly hard to leave. Tonight I was really strongly reminded of why.
I went to Royal Ground between school and Exhibition Night, had an iced coffee and wrote a letter to my students revealing/explaining that I'm not returning next year. I'll give it to them tomorrow. I feel like I have a cold or sore throat starting. I should get some sleep.
Btw-- I'd appreciate comments on my Great White vs. Crocodile post. Especially if anyone knows enough to answer it scientifically. I'd like to solve it. My thinking right now is that the great white is more agile and a faster swimmer, so it would get the angle on the croc. But maybe the crocodile has really fast reflexes and could whip around and grab onto the tail of the white and not let go until the great white bleeds to death or dies from not swimming fast enough to get water past its gills?
It was beautiful. I was SO PROUD of my students! Fevn kicked major ass. It was such an overwhelmingly positive night. It felt like being with family and friends...
..which makes me feel so sad that I'm not coming back next year. I've rarely used the difficulty of this year to justify leaving. When I have, I've always been aware that it's just been a bad day, week, etc. I've always known that it would be mostly hard to leave. Tonight I was really strongly reminded of why.
I went to Royal Ground between school and Exhibition Night, had an iced coffee and wrote a letter to my students revealing/explaining that I'm not returning next year. I'll give it to them tomorrow. I feel like I have a cold or sore throat starting. I should get some sleep.
Btw-- I'd appreciate comments on my Great White vs. Crocodile post. Especially if anyone knows enough to answer it scientifically. I'd like to solve it. My thinking right now is that the great white is more agile and a faster swimmer, so it would get the angle on the croc. But maybe the crocodile has really fast reflexes and could whip around and grab onto the tail of the white and not let go until the great white bleeds to death or dies from not swimming fast enough to get water past its gills?
posted by DB at 11:16 PM
1 Comments:
If transitions presume a transition into something better, why do I feel such an agitated wish to turn back towards where I was? New city, new job: it's like I have to grow into them, when what I really want is just to be better the way I am. Mostly I think about Gary. I remember that on the stage at graduation he pulled out the frisbee from his robe and threw it to where I was sitting, a couple hundred feet away. Then the other guys in the crowd took out their frisbees, so that for a moment the air overhead had disks populating it. Gary was dead a couple of weeks later. He'd been my best friend since third grade. The irony is that when I got to college that fall, my roommate's name was Gary. But about the first Gary: I think about him every day, even if just something small. 10:15AM, while printing out an email: Gary's toothpaste-advertisement grin. 3:45PM, eating a granola bar: Gary wearing a Sox cap. It's like the memory of him is a useless weight, no heavier than a pebble, that I carry in whatever pocket I have that day. And there's no measuring the weight of that one daily thought. Until the thought gains bigger substance as a dream or daydream I have, some scenario playing out with Gary in it, and Gary comes back full force, in his whole accountable body, part accusation and part joy. Then I have to say to him somehow, almost kind of pleading: Gary, you're not going to be forsook. Or forsaked. Or forsaken. Whatever the conjugation, you're not going to be.
Dan
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